The October sun shines strong through the pine trees casting a thin line of light across the waters surface that looks like a blade of fire. A small boy stares deeply into the water of the pond, almost like he is really looking below the water and through the earth. His eyes seem to hold secrets and a battle of inner demons seems very close to the surface. Of course at such a young age it would be easy for any adult to shake it off. We all assume from weathered views that no child could know true and honest pain. Thick dark hair falls into his eyes as his chin pulls magnetically toward his chest. The tears are welling in his eyes behind the veil of bangs. His skinny arms wrap around his legs as he pulls his knees up to his chest. He’s come here a thousand times and examined every blade of grass a million times. He’s exasperated the supply of stones. Sent them all to watery graves with his wishes in tow. He cast them all with dreams of some greater power that just might save him. Thus far he has been left with his hope dwindling by the seconds that moved to minutes and on to days and months and years. None of them ever came true, so he wonders if they rest easy at the bottom with all the meager pan fish that seem only to swim out of habit, not so much out of enjoyment of life or desire to live. Even the bugs around here seem tortured, like they are daydreaming of better things. Maybe that’s why the boy always returns. Not just the familiarity, but that shared sense of suffocating hope.
He can remember the first time he came here. It was a day he could never forget for the rest of his days.
When he was 6 years old his mother and father decided it would be easier if he and his sister Anne got a babysitter. His mother started working again after they found Mrs. Gulliver, or Lady G as Anna had nicknamed her due to its ease of slipping from the tongue at her age. Lady G lived in a small one room house with her son Glen. A huge man of about 6’3” and 300 pounds. He towered over his mother whose feeble frame amassed only a fraction over 5 feet. Nathan was the smallest boy in his grade and even in comparison to Lady G he was small. His sister Anne was a cute young girl 2 years younger than he and the same height but a bit heavier. It was a hot summer day at Lady G’s when Glen announced the beginning of the end.
“I have to go out in the garage and fix my motorcycle mom. I think I need Nathan to come help and hold the flashlight.”
“Okay dear” Lady G muttered.
Once inside the threshold of the garage Glen turned back and closed and locked the door.
“We don’t want the girls bothering us while we do our guy work, right buddy?” he said in his harsh, deep, raspy voice. Nathan just stood silent with a nod in place of a verbal response. They set to work fixing the bike in the dim dust covered garage. Nathan held the flashlight and handed Glen his tools as requested. After about 20 minutes Glen faked perspiration as a result of overworking himself. With the back of his hand he wiped the imaginary sweat from his brow as he removed his leather vest and Harley t-shirt.
“You can take yours off too buddy” He said to Nathan with a disgusting grin. Nathan just lightly shook his head with his eyes to the ground. Glen insisted and helped the boy out of his yellow Power Rangers shirt.
“See. Isn’t that better. Whoa look at you! Have you been working out?” He asked faking shock at the sight of the boy’s body. Tenderly squeezing his almost non-existent bi-cep with a grin.
“Are your legs that muscular too?” He questions with a sense of urgency as he asserts force now. Taking Nathan unwillingly close and starting to pull down his sky blue basketball shorts. After about 10 minutes more conning, threatening, and forcing Nathan stands completely naked in tears, as he is rubbed and licked all over his body. Then he is instructed to do the same in return to Glen’s enormous nude body.
After about an hour all the cloths found their way back to the bodies and a series of threats ensues, warning Nathan against discussing what had just occurred. Then he was allowed to leave the garage while Glen stayed behind beginning the work on the bike that had been previously faked.
Instead of running to the house and telling Lady G or Anne what had happened he came here. Now as he sits next to this pond the tears still come strong. He debates the depths of the water in his head. Wondering if there could ever be waters deep enough to bury these memories to the point that he could forget them…He know that will never happen.
I remember it all so clearly…
